My Clover and Smokey

by Cristin
(MS)

It was September 30, 2019 that I lost my 14 year old Clover. I miss her so much. I love her so much.

She started vomiting one night and I took her to the emergency room, where I found out she had cancer. She wasn’t due for a checkup for another month. She passed away 1 week later.

Three weeks later her brother Smokey passed away from the same type of cancer. He wasn’t due either for his checkup, but I took him anyway. I thought he was acting differently and thought maybe he might be grieving her since they had been together their whole lives.

I miss them so much. I cry a lot when I think of them. It was always in the back of my mind that they may not be with me one day, but now that it happened, sometimes I just can’t believe it.

I miss them. I miss cuddling with them, looking at them, feeding them, being with them. They were my normalcy. For 14 years they were a part of my life every day. Now they are just gone.

My heart breaks that I couldn’t save them and they are not with me. They were the best, lovable dogs. They were my best friends. I have children, a husband, and other dogs that I love very much, but they were so special to me, a part of my heart.

I want to cry and scream, "I want you back! Please!" I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same without them. A part of my life died when they died. Oh, I miss them.

I wonder if it gets any easier. Sometimes it’s hard to look at pictures and videos because it makes me so sad. I wonder if I can ever look at pictures of them and think only happy thoughts.

I was truly blessed to have them a part of my life, and I miss them so badly. I see them in my mind and feel them in my heart. I just wish I could look over and see them laying there looking at me.

One day, hopefully, the creator, our God, will allow us to be together again. Until then, Clover and Smokey, your human mama loves you and misses you with all of her heart! I love you my sweet, precious babies forever for infinity.