I Love You Forever

La mia piccola stella,
ti amo ti amo ti amo così tanto.

It has been exactly three weeks since you went away.... December 2016. Where are you? Here, in my heart, here in my arms, here in my soul. No one like you, my little baby.

You fought til the end. I know you didn't want to go, but you had to. I don't know why.

It's hard to explain to non-pug owners the pain, the devastation, to lose your little pug who was by your side all the time, and if not, then always waiting and wanting to be -- in your lap, next to you, attached. A symbiosis. It was as if you were part of my body and I was part of yours. There was no separation. In the end, when you were really sick, we were one.

I hated taking naps in the day until you came into my life. Then naps became an "activity." And all our little games. I even taught you hand signals in case you went deaf when you were older but you only made it to 10 years and 9 months, and you never made it to being deaf.

No words can describe the pain and emptiness and the feeling of being utterly lost without you. I only hope that you didn't suffer and that you know that I tried to save you.

I would do anything, anything, to have one more second with you, to hug and squeeze you tight, and hear you talk to me again, and look deep into your eyes, and communicate with you in that way that only pugs can communicate.

Sometimes I do smile, remembering you, and I do feel like you are watching me, and even that you worry that I am sad without you. Thinking of your face and of your unique cute little pug YOU, little star, so much love that you brought into my heart, into the world.

So wise and regal you were, are. Everyone smiled when they saw you, took pictures, all the way to the end, even when you were sick.

I love you. I love you. I love you. Don't worry, little star, I will take care of your soul now like when your soul was here in your body walking (or being carried in my arms). I will take care of your soul now too. Per sempre, il mio amorino.