Go To Him, My Angel

by Adrienne Savage
(Huntsville, Alabama)

Flossie, it has been two months since you departed this world. I have looked at your pictures and held your collar every day, hoping in vain to see you prance around the corner.

I know you are gone and yet I cannot conceive that I cannot hear you, hold you, see you. I have spoken aloud so many times these words: "Goodbye my angel." I have never spoken these words I write. Saying them is much too hard to bear.

Fifteen years is a long time, my girl. You loved me through each day of those fifteen years. I loved you too. You helped me through each day of pain and you loved me through each day of joy.

Your presence was a gift I knew would not last, but knowing your short life was filled with numbered days was not something I could think about. So instead of wanting you here with me and crying for your sweet memory I want to thank you for your love.

Your love filled my heart. I asked you for a sign on June 2, 2014 at 11:46 a.m. when your heart stopped beating in my arms. I asked you to let me know that you arrived to a place where you could eat, drink, run, and play. You gave me so many signs, Flossie. Even in your death you loved me.

I still won't write or say "I let you go" because I cannot. You are with me in every moment because you helped shape my life. In all my 30 years I know only two things that can love unconditionally, infants and dogs.

I miss you, Flossie. I miss you so terribly that I know I will never forget you. Thank you, my friend, for your years. I hope I kept you well, and I am sorry I kept you here for myself. It hurt to let you go.

Wherever you are, if you have a memory of me, please let it be that I held you that day until your heart beat last. I never stopped holding onto you. You were wrapped tightly in the arms of the one who loved you enough to finally bear the pain of your loss. I am sorry I didn't hold you that way sooner.

I love you, Flossie; I thank God for your life. I thank God for your love. I thank God for your departure. Go to Him, My Angel.