These 26 funny dog quotes are by authors whose surnames start with "K" and "L." Most will make you laugh or guffaw. Some will amuse you, and others will simply bring a smile to your face. But hey, a smile is always better than no smile!
The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.
Guests are people who come to your home to see you whine at the table, bark loudly, jump on women wearing pantyhose, and do other tricks which you wouldn't think of doing just for the family.
Peg Kehret, The Doggie Dictionary
Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.
She is such a scene-stealer. She's got these lashes and big eyes, and when she walks on to the set everybody just says "ooh."
Greg Kinnear, about the dog Jill, who played Verdell in
As Good As It Gets
When I played Lady Day, I took Aba onstage with me as a joke. He started singing—in tune!—and the audience loved it.
Eartha Kitt, when asked what tricks her poodle did
Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
Lisa Kudrow, as Monica,
Friends television show
The dog is like a liberal. He wants to please everybody.
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
If a pit bull romances your leg, fake an orgasm.
The next-door neighbors had a German police dog that... acts as a bodyguard for the lady of the house and one day we was over there and the host says to slap his Mrs. on the arm and see what happened so I slapped her on the arm and I can still show you what happened.
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater... suggest that he wear a tail.
"Pointers for Pets," Social Studies
No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
The dog is dressed just like me at the climax of my act.
Gypsy Rose Lee, about her Chinese Crested, also known as the Chinese Naked Dog
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.
Clinton's pet Labrador, Buddy, is getting neutered. The dog will never have sex again. Overnight, they've turned Buddy from a Democrat into a Republican.
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.
Number one way life would be different if dogs ran the world: All motorists must drive with head out window.
They have dog food for constipated dogs. If your dog is constipated, why screw up a good thing? Stay indoors and let 'em bloat!
I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
I was like, what the hell is my life coming to? I'm a trained actor! I've done Shakespeare and here I am having farting contests with an imaginary dog!
The only food he has ever stolen has been down on a coffee table. He claims that he genuinely believed it to be a table meant for dogs.
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
Muzzle a dog and he will bark out of the other end.
It's been so long and so soon since you left me. And my life will never be the same. Each day, I feel your absence and its impact. Today marks six years
It's been 75 days since you left us and I still cry every day, missing your sweet beautiful face and your love. I made a beautiful garden for you and thought
For 16 years you were a big part of my life. In the end, you had suffered a lot. It was hard for me to see you like this. This has been the hardest decision