Funny Dog Quotes
To Give You a Chuckle

These 23 funny dog quotes are by authors whose surnames start with "A" and by anonymous authors. Most will make you laugh or guffaw. Some will amuse you, and others will simply bring a smile to your face. But hey, a smile is always better than no smile!


In the dog-eat-dog economy, the Doberman is boss.

Edward Abbey


It is not an easy thing to inflate a dog.

Edward Abbey


When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

Edward Abbey


In a dog-eat-dog world, it is the dogmatic domain of dog lovers to offer dodge a dog's chance to rise above the dog days for a doggone good time.

AKC Gazette, August 1991

When a dog wants to hang out the "Do Not Disturb" sign, as all of us do now and then, he is regarded as a traitor to his species.

Ramona C. Albert


Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar.

Steve Allen


The more I know about men, the more I like dogs.

Gloria Allred


I bought my grandmother a Seeing Eye dog. But he's a little sadistic. He does impressions of cars screeching to a halt.

Larry Amoros


My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" 

The other replies, "Moo!" 

The dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say 'Moo'?" 

The other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language."

Morey Amsterdam


Some dogs live for praise. They look at you as if to say "Don't throw balls... just throw bouquets."

Jhordis Anderson


I have a dog so mean, he ate the neighbor's weenie dog. Now he's a bratweiler.

Nick Arnette


My Labrador retriever had a nervous breakdown. I kept throwing him a boomerang.

Nick Arnette


Thank God for machines. They can make a dog sing!

Christopher Atkins


A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.

Anonymous


A watchdog is a dog kept to guard your home, usually by sleeping where a burglar would awaken the household by falling over him.

Anonymous


Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

Anonymous


Every boy should have two things: a dog, and a mother willing to let him have one.

Anonymous


Every boy who has a dog should also have a mother, so the dog can be fed regularly.

Anonymous


It's no coincidence that man's best friend cannot talk.

Anonymous


Never judge a dog's pedigree by the kind of books he does not chew.

Anonymous


There is only one smartest dog in the world, and every boy has it.

Anonymous


To err is human—to forgive, canine.

Anonymous


You always sympathize with the underdog, except when the other dog is yours.

Anonymous

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