I can't believe I'm writing this. My big handsome boy is gone.
This morning (April 2, 2010) I knew something was dreadfully wrong. He was curled up at the back of his kennel. I checked his gums and knew right away he was bleeding again.
I rode with Jazz in the backseat of the car. He rallied enough to raise his head and look me in the eyes. I told him he was a good boy and he wagged his tail for me. But I knew today was the day.
When I lost my Brandy in April 1999, I was living alone and the house was too quiet and lonely. I picked Jazz out of the litter when he was 4 weeks old. I had every intention of getting a female but the breeder put Jazz on the floor and he did the classic border collie crouch, then barked at me. I was in love. When I picked him up at 8 weeks old, he ran to the end of the x-pen as soon as I drove in. It was like he was saying - What took you so long, I've been waiting for you.
Jazz became the resident therapy dog where I work. From his 8th week until we moved to the farm in 2004, he was my constant office buddy. He loved his people and could not wait to get in to see them.
When we moved to the farm, he didn't enjoy the hour long drive each way, so he stayed at home. However, when I could, I brought him in, and it was like old times again.
When Jazz was 6 months old we had a resident who was dying. Jazz got on his bed and stretched his body along the length of this man. I couldn't get him to move. In fact, he bit me when I tried to take him down. He stayed with this old gentleman for about 20 minutes. Then we left. The man passed away shortly after that.
Jazz always wagged his tail in a giant circle when he was happy...which was most of the time. Jazz LOVED winter - he wasn't much on the heat of summer but he enjoyed swimming and riding in the canoe.
We did try our hand at sheep a few times when he was 7 years old. I think he might have been a good working dog if things had been different.
His favourite toy was his frisbee, which is buried with him now. I buried him in the garden, beside a blue spruce tree. My husband, the artist, will make him a final marker to show how much he was loved and will be missed.
I haven't written much poetry since my teen years...(a good while ago!) but on April 10, I dreamt of my Jazz and this is what came of it. If you feel you would like to share it with someone who has lost a beloved pet, please feel free to do so. I only ask that you acknowledge that it was written for my Jazz who left me far too soon and too suddenly.
Last night you came to visit me
You laid your head upon my knee
You poked my hand the way you knew
Would get an extra scratch for you.
I wrapped my arms around your neck
I breathed deep of your doggie scent
My tears rained down upon your head
I softly spoke your name
Your deep brown eyes gazed up at me
? You called and so I came.
I know you cry these tears for me
But this I know is true
We have a bond that will not break
I always walk with you.
If you whisper, I will hear
And we will walk together
Through snow filled fields and leafy trails
Through sun or stormy weather.
I woke and still I felt you near
My face - Still wet with tears
But in my heart I felt such joy
I feel you near, my handsome boy.
It's been 2 months...and my heart still breaks when I think of him.
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