Beautiful Bella

Darling Bella, the one year anniversary of your death is near and I feel so sad without you.

I worry about you. I wonder where you are and if you are safe and happy. Are you wondering where I am? Are you scared without us? Are you missing us too? I hope you aren't alone. We have lots of loved ones in heaven.

I miss you most of all at night when you used to cuddle with me. I miss your little bark and holding your warm little body. You were so light to carry around.

Have you forgiven me for putting you to sleep? I couldn't stand to see you suffer, I still see the sad look in your eyes when I told the vet to put you down. I didn't say anything because my grief wouldn't let me. I had no words to express my sadness. I did get to hold you as you took your last breath and I am glad of that. Also, you were surrounded by people who loved you.

I have never known such grief as when I lost you. I thought there would be some relief but there hasn't. Please forgive me for all of my shortcomings, any time I wasn't kind or was thoughtless. I hope I never hurt you, baby.

You were the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful little girl ever. I miss you every day and can't wait to see you again.

I love you!

Love, Mommy