I Already Miss You...

You've only been gone 6 hours, and yet I miss you so much already. I am going to try to put into words the emotion that is in my heart, but it will not be adequate. 12 years of memories and love. Still, I will try....

My special little guy, thank you for always being there for me when I came home after a long, hard day--for jealously guarding one end of the love seat as your spot beside me--then keeping me warm and toasty on the coldest of winter days. I could always count on you being there for me, and I was never lonely here at home because you were here.

You never betrayed me or yelled at me or ignored me. You always loved me. You always needed me to love you. You were my best friend the last few years--you were closer to me than to anyone else in the family--and I will forever have a hole in my life where you used to be.

Thank you for taking it upon yourself to protect our family, even when we didn't need it--you didn't trust strangers or even friends and neighbours, and wondered why we did. We laughed at you for that, but we also loved you for it. If we ever hurt your feelings or were impatient with you, please know that we didn't mean it.

You were always a good dog. Always. You had so much personality. You stormed through doors and stomped around, and when you wanted something, you let us know. We all admired your strength of character. You could tell time. You seemed to understand every one of us.

Thank you for having a special relationship with each of us, because now each of us has special memories of you. You were our family's 'first dog', and you will always be--no matter how many other dogs will come and go in L's, S's, L's, and Daddy's and my lives. We have been sharing our memories of you all day--there were a lot of them--and loving and laughing. Just like in life, your death has brought us closer as a family.

Thank you for the unconditional love you gave us. Oh, how I miss you. Don't be frightened or worried or angry. Just be safe and out of pain. Please be happy and say hi to Snoopy and to Grandma M for me. They will take care of you, and I know that you will take care of them. Grandma knows your pain, because she had the same thing that you did.

I will continue to look for you in the clouds, every time that I see a dandelion or a purple petunia or a bronze dragonfly. It was so hard to leave you today, but we will bring you home in a few days, I promise, and will bury you in your garden. We have already picked out a place. Daddy picked it out for you.

Then you will be home--the only home that you knew in life ever since you were 7 weeks old, and you will be here forever. Some day, when I am no longer living here, I will take comfort in knowing that.

Please forgive me for not being with you at the moment of your death--I should have been, and I am sorry. But I am glad that you got to die in your kitchen here at home, and that Daddy was there with you. Thank you for giving him that final opportunity.

L discovered you--and it was good that she did--as she faced that fear. Thanks for that, too. Now, when she is an adult, she will help her own children face that moment, too. You always knew what was best.

Thank you for giving me a chance to take you to the vet this morning. You knew that I would feel terrible if I hadn't, but you wanted to die at home. You gave me the gift of not feeling guilty about trying to save you. The ride in the car--just you and I together--was so peaceful and special, both there and back.

You had given us time to get used to the idea that we would lose you, and you went peacefully, which is bringing us great comfort tonight. Daddy keeps talking about how peacefully you went, and how he saw you wagging your tail at the end. I love you so much. You were the smartest dog ever. You were still taking care of us, even at the end.

I would have liked more time. But thank you, above all, for sharing your life with us. You taught us so much. You made us laugh, and cry. You shared your life with us unconditionally, and you shared your death with us too.

We will forever love you, our dearest lion dog, our dearest handsome Figgy. You will never die in my memory, and, when I am at the end of my days, I will look for you. We will sit together, and I will stroke your beautiful fur and kiss the top of your head--and you will let me, however grudgingly. You will growl very slightly, and I will laugh, and pet you more.

I love you. God bless you and keep you safe until the end of time.

Mommy xoxoxoxoxoxo