Funny Dog Quotes
To Give You a Chuckle

These 35 funny dog quotes are by authors whose surnames start with "C." Most will make you laugh or guffaw. Some will amuse you, and others will simply bring a smile to your face. But hey, a smile is always better than no smile!

It was a fine fall morning in Paris, crisp and clear, and Benji was quite full of himself, cavorting near the fountain, playing with the children who had inexplicably materialized out of nowhere at the first whiff of a movie star. Their faces radiated and they took turns gently stroking his head. Those Benji chose to favor with a big sloppy lick exploded with laughter, and one young girl ran to her mother, screeching in French that she would never wash her face again.

Joe Camp, writer/producer/director of
Benji

Mrs. Campbell once attempted to smuggle her pet Pekingese through customs by tucking him inside the upper part of her cape. "Everything was going splendidly," she later remarked, "until my bosom barked."

Beatrice Stella Campbell

I'm a mog. Half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend.

John Candy, as Barf, in
Spaceballs

If dogs could talk, perhaps we'd find it just as hard to get along with them as we do people.

Karel Capek

I have consolidated all Roger Caras dog quotes, including his funny dog quotes, together on one page.

Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.

George Carlin

What does a dog do on his day off? He can't lie around - that's his job.

George Carlin

A Chihuahua. They're good. If you lose one, just empty out your purse.

Jean Carroll

I am cursed with a right leg that arouses the desire of any male dog that happens to be passing. I used to think that this only happened to me but I've discovered that many people have the same problem. They have a femme fatale limb.

Jasper Carrott

Every dog has his day, unless he loses his tail, then he has a weak-end.

June Carter

I have a great dog. She's half Lab, half pit bull. A good combination. Sure, she might bite off my leg, but she'll bring it back to me.

Jimi Celeste

I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.

G.K. Chesterton

I have consolidated all Winston Churchill dog quotes, including his funny dog quotes, together on one page.

A lawyer is just like an attack dog, only without a conscience.

Tom Clancy

I just bought a Chihuahua. It's the dog for lazy people. You don't have to walk it. Just hold it out the window and squeeze.

Anthony Clark

I know that dogs are pack animals, but it is difficult to imagine a pack of standard poodles... and if there was such a thing as a pack of standard poodles, where would they rove to? Bloomingdale's?

Yvonne Clifford

Sometimes I feel like a fire hydrant looking at a pack of dogs.

Bill Clinton

Everyone's pet is the most outstanding. This begets mutual blindness.

Jean Cocteau

Our late lamented English setter was spoilt, goofy, terrifyingly tenacious and possessed a totally unbridled sex drive. If he got on the trail of a bitch, he would charge across three main roads, race twenty miles until he caught up with her and then mount her from the wrong end.

Jilly Cooper

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: "Can I help, sir?"

"No thanks," says the blind bloke. "Just looking."

Tommy Cooper

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah."

I said "Why?"

He said "My dog's died."

Tommy Cooper

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home who answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.

Marie Corelli

I have consolidated all Stanley Coren dog quotes, including his funny dog quotes, together on one page.

I don't eat anything that a dog won't eat. Like sushi. Ever see a dog eat sushi? He just sniffs it and says, "I don't think so." And this is an animal that licks between its legs and sniffs fire hydrants.

Billiam Coronel

It's like this, dear boy, the one in front is blind and the kind one behind is pushing him.

Noel Coward (explaining to Laurence Olivier's young son about two dogs he saw copulating, and then asked what they were doing)